6 Signs Your New Drummer Came From a Christian Rock Band

Drummers of worship actually exist - we have proof.  We've even witnessed them, surprisingly pierced, tattooed, and ready to groove with anyone.  Typically showcasing an abnormal amount of energy, positive attitude, and a humble sense of dynamics. 

These traits can be alarming - so we've compiled a short list of christian drummer characteristics - so you may prepare yourself for the slightly inevitable.

Here are 6 signs your new drummer came from a christian rock band:

1. He Keeps Reminding You His Kit's Color is "Virginal White"

Not just piano white, or a satin pearl white - but a pure, virtuous white.
This is also the same reason no one else is allowed to touch his kit.


2. He Keeps Giving You All His Drink Tickets

This one might not be a dead giveaway - but coupled with a few other examples, and we've got ourselves one hell of a christ-rocker. 


3. He's Actually on Time for Practice

This is one of the most annoying traits, especially for a drummer.  How are we supposed to make timing jokes? A drummer on time is certainly something that raises concern. 


4. He's Physically Incapable of Throwing the Devil Horns

You've seen him try, or pretend.  But it just won't happen - ever.  Struggling to execute a simple hand gesture, for a drummer, is worrying. 


5. He Insists on Dragging One of These Things Around

Born and raised in a church isn't a handicap, but it does come with it's setbacks. He's already playing with brushes, these are just excessive.


6. He Doesn't Call You "Bro" - He Calls You "Brother"

It was probably a little weird at first - and it still is.

**** Why he wants you to play at his uncle's compound is also a mystery.  It's 4 hours outside of the city, and it's powered by a diesel generator. 

There's a lot to deal with when discovering you've been playing alongside a christian-drummer. And oddly, there aren't too many resources to help you understand what's really going on.  What is going on?  He keeps telling you he's woke - and yeah, obviously, he just drank a cup of coffee.

2018 - Kyle Fudd

Kyle is the drummer for Barney Van Halen, and he writes exclusively for Music Bam International.

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